Thursday, December 29, 2011

This is where I belong.

Anyone that knows me, knows I love what I do.

Lately, I've been doubting my decision on moving into emergency medicine. The reason I started doubting myself was; I wasn't cleared at my home station for three years.

There have been many people passing me, which didn't even participate in the field training program. I do not believe they should have been cleared. Actually, I see a lawsuit in the future; if they're not properly trained.

I love what I do, and I hate to see anyone fail. I have taken an oath "to do no harm." I cannot stand by, and watch them harm patients.

Last Monday, I was in tears. I wanted to quit everything. I was ready to quit the firehouse. I was ready to run away from it all.

I couldn't stand anymore pressure put upon me. I was ready to quit school for Allied Health/paramedic. I was ready to throw in the towel on everything; I works so hard on completing. I felt like I should go for another 9-to-5 job.

But my husband is the best thing. He let me stew on my words. He let me get angry at myself, while supporting me the entire way.

Finally two days later, I looked at him and, I said "NO ONE can discount my feelings."

This is something I love, something that I've always loved, something I will always work hard for no matter what the struggle.

I told him I was not be run off. This is my neighborhood. This is where I live. This is the community I want to serve.

2 comments:

hg said...

And this could be an opportunity for you to push for change.

The Lazy House Wife said...

Yup. Very much so. I hope to gain the confidence of the guys. I do not want to make HUGE changes all at once, but small changes over time. I find the fire community is very resistant to change.