The proud owner of a vagina

Yes. I said it right.

I am the proud owner.

I look at all the stuff that accomplished in my life. I've had children. I own my house, a few cars, and now I'm a firefighter/EMT.

I'm in a male-dominated profession.

I can remember my first training. I wasn't even allowed to start the K-saw. It gotten away from another female, and they were scared of the rest of us girls cutting our toes off.

Most of the other women around me were either playing with their hair, fixing their makeup, or chewing gum.

Hell, I even cried when, I had to climb a 30 foot ladder, so I didn't help further cause either.

Why do I cry?

Well, there is one thing you must know about me. If I am crying you better run. I do not cry out of pain. I cry out of frustration. It's a mechanism I have developed to stand up to my fears.

I do not run.

I fight. I fight like a honey badger defending it's young.

We have a fresh new pack of probies coming into our firehouse.

Oh course, I am now active in our retention team. (Well, at least I will make my best effort.) We were saying how our probationary period last about a year to a year and a half. Then one of the black hats yells, "or three."

A round of giggles bursts out.

One thing lay people must know about the firehouse is; we rib each other because, we love each other. This of course was not the best time to rib me though. Yes, I have made my mistakes. I became ill, but I never gave up. I took strides to keep coming back. Coming back to a "job" I love; that does not monetary "pay" me.

First thing, after the comment, they wanted to know was who was the one who took three years to complete their training.

I am looking out at this sea of faces. Kids. Kids which went to school with my own son. Some knew my struggles, some not. I have always been straight forward with all my children. These probes are now an extension of "my kids. Because I am ultimately responsible for their development and guidance in the firehouse.

One word came out of my mouth: "me."

But, I was not ashamed. I beat cancer (so far). I had a child. I struggled everyday to keep in my womb since 20 weeks after his conception. All the while; maintaining my EMTB training and classes.

Their mouths were all open.

Yes, life took a great big shit on me. But I fought back, an so far I'm winning.

I have not won, yet. Failure is not in my list of options.

I added we have a ton of female members, but only four are fully active on the fire side. I looked at all the girls in this group. With one look, I think I promised them we would get through it together.

One hand slowly raised. And a female soft spoken voice asked, "Do you think it would have been easier if you were a guy?"

"Yes," I replied. "but, only with the baby part. Firefighting is what YOU MAKE OF IT....Yes, it's like high school sometimes....Some people who take it seriously, and some should have never joined in the first place. Blah, blah, blah... But over all it's the most fulfilling thing I have done with my life so far."

I lied. I really wanted to tell all of them the struggles of being a female in the firehouse.

The most fulfilling thing I had ever done was be given the task to fight for that baby. Now he can grow to do what is destined for him. As you all see with the kilted for cancer movement, cancer doesn't discriminate. It did discriminate with me either. They found the tumor after the baby was born. I was told by the doctor if the would have found it during the pregnancy, they would have advised me to risk the child's life even more to save mine. This was not an option for me.

But of course I was not done explaining fire life, and I saw I was losing half of them. They started texting and staring off.

I got my little half smirk/half smile across my face and blurted out, "Nope. Im the proud owner of a vagina." I don't think I would have had a better reaction if I would have explained it all. Plus, It would look like I was making excuses. I promptly grabbed the K-saw, and started it.

Who's ready to learn something?



-stay safe.