Monday, September 5, 2011

I say hey, what's going on?

There are two reasons why I have not been blogging in a while. The first reason is I have been on a massive job search. The one income my husband has is not enough to keep us afloat anymore.

The second is I broke yet another phone. I normally write when I'm on duty during down time.

School and the Baby have always been a distraction too.

But lately, I have been very, very depressed.

I was removed off of all my medications by my pain management doctor. I am in constant pain. I have juggled with the idea of taking the doctors advice and collecting SSDI. I know, I would not survive long, if I were to choose this option.

Yes.

I have.

But we won't go there.

I have spent the majority of this last two months in bed. My good friend lost her child. I was told I should avoid having anymore children, and to top it all off they think that they found yet another tumor or growth.

I am scared.

I have never been this scared before.

I have that impending sense of doom. I don't think this time I'm going to get good news.

The pain in my chest is left of the sternum. My right shoulder is completely numb. I was playing with my son the other day and a spasm took me to the ground. I have been lightheaded and dizzy after each attack.

I know a lot of it is stress. I will taking on a lot more in the next couple of months.

I will tried to keep everyone updated. Until then....Stay strong and be safe.

0 comments: